Sexual frustration and its effects on our mental health and our lives can be devastating. Sometimes considered taboo, it is important to talk about them with people we feel comfortable with – or anonymously online 
2020 has changed our way of living and interacting with people – especially with the new social distancing protocole. Whilst I have missed meeting friends for a nice meal or drunken evening, I never thought that not meeting someone for sex would have such an impact on me.
Sexual frustration on Netflix
Last week, I watched Addicted on Netflix. It’s a film about a married woman who is sexually frustrated in her marriage and feels the urge to have sex with strangers to feel complete or a sense of achievement. It turns out she suffers from sexual addiction (and there’s a sad twist as to why her mind thinks sex could resolve her issues but I wont spoil the end). As her life spirals out of control, she loses her job and her husband, I suddenly realised that I could relate to her feelings of sexual frustration.
Sexual frustration under covid restrictions
Sexual frustration occurs when we become nervous, stressed or distressed with our sex life. Sexual frustration can happen whether we are in a relationship or single (as I am) and whether or not we have regular sex or intimate moments with someone else.
With lockdown restrictions being imposed on us due to the Coronavirus pandemic, we have been more or less forbidden to meet with other people for almost 1 year – 365+ days. As a single person, being confined in my home alone with limited contact with other human beings, that’s a long time and it has taken its toll on my mental health.(not trying to think about all the missed hook-ups 
)
When we have sex, our body releases feel-good hormones that help our mental health. Dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin can boost our mood, increase compassion, and help bond with our partner. Sex also helps decrease our level of cortisol, the main stress hormone.
Some symptoms of sexual frustration
Being more annoyed and distracted
According to research, this is a common symptom. When we are sexually frustrated, our body reacts differently to day-to-day situations. Jokes we found funny, aren’t anymore. Simple things that people do, are now annoying. Our mind is also easily distracted and we pay less attention at our work.
Daydream about sex a lot
As we are more distracted, we end up with many different thoughts in our head – mainly about things that worry us like lack of sex. We end up daydreaming about having sex with people we know or strangers for hours every day.
Notifications from hook-up Apps also remind us other people think about sex too. We then feel the urge of getting into conversations which may or not result in any hook-up.
Overindulge
Thinking about sex will result sometimes in high and strong urges in having it. Not being allowed to have it, will lead to even more frustration and this unfulfilled sentiment. We may then turn into excessive eating, drinking or other substances to fill up that emotional void. As when we quit smoking, we need to find a healthier alternative so we don’t create another problem.
Lack of confidence
After one year, the lack of interaction with other human beings has created anguish about meeting people. It has also impacted on my confidence as I live in a bubble without any philosophical challenge (i.e. anyone exchanging ideas with or debating and getting challenged about serious topics) or anyone giving me compliments or positive vibes. As my sexual frustration grows, my distraction level increases, my job has been impacted. This could be a vicious circle.
What to do about sexual frustration if single?
Getting to know ourself better
Apart from trying to fulfil the natural need of having sex and embrace these feel-good chemicals, what else are we looking for in sex? Relationships, one-off fun, regular fun, overcome loneliness…?
What kind of sex will help us satisfy our needs? Solo, threesome, group, anonymous, outdoor…?
Solo pleasure
Masturbation can be an answer. Whilst taboo as a teenager, according to a study from Univia, almost 96% of people masturbate at least once a month. In Spring 2020, Youporn even offered free memberships as people stayed at home to help release their tension.
This stimulated many singletons and couples. Masturbating can help get to know our body. However, this doesn’t mean it will stop us from being sexually frustrated.
Choose the sex toys that hit our spot
There are now thousands of different sex toys on the market. Some are manual, electrical, or can be connected to our phone and controlled remotely. Others come in different sizes, shapes, materials and colours. (the topic of another blog).
Hook up to release tension
Once you know what you are looking for and are confident with what you like or want to explore, you can then embrace the one-off or regular hook-ups with like-minded partners. (bearing in mind social restrictions)
Have you ever felt sexual frustration? How did you deal with it?
